All right, we’ll cop to it; we, meaning the male gender, are known for our moments of callous, insensitive comments and super-charged competitive banter. We slug each other, we diss each other, and to anyone else, it seems that it’s all a way of being the best, of trying to be cool in order to fit in, to prove one’s worth.
This would be because you are not yet aware of the Code of Honor.
In normal society, saying a rude or crass comment, no matter how clever, labels you immediately. It’s like you take the comment and tape it to your front, saying “I’M AN ASSHOLE!” to the world. Well, that’s all well and good, but if I told someone that they were so bad at singing that Helen Keller would have them put down, there will be that core group of people that will keep to the code. With men, an asshole comment is not stuck on your chest. It’s placed into a communal pot for everyone to draw from and enjoy. There is zero accountability.
The general rule is that if it exists, you can make fun of it. Everything. There are no lines unless they’re drawn by a victim, and if they’re real about it and not butt-hurt then the lines will be respected. Exceptions include allusions to any sort of personal traumatic event. You can make fun of 9/11 but not someone’s brother who died in a fire last month. (Who would make fun of that? You’re such a dick, get away from my blog.)
The success of this game is purely dependent on sportsmanship. That’s right, being insensitive, callous, and rude is only doable if you have good character. If someone burns you, burn them back. If they get you really badly, though, admit defeat. Join the laugh, high five the victor, save whatever line they used so you can tell someone about that burn later. It’s a core part of the Code, being able to take the shots. If you take the shots well, you realize that these burns are far from pejoratives; they’re part of a unique bonding process. If you win, and win well, you impress. If you lose, and lose well, you show your level of respect and the bond is also established.
You cannot – CANNOT – play this game with women. There are exceptions, but even when it seems like they take it and laugh, you’ll find the comments once again stuck to your fucking chest, grounds for a complete judgment on your character, complete with how each and every kablam is you being an absolute dick.
Every once in a while a line is crossed. Do NOT recoil, withdrawing whatever you said. If you do that, it shows you are inconsiderate, such that you have no idea how to react when someone is bothered. You’ll also look like a pussy. Behold, proper procedure:
Offended guy: Dude, that one was kinda close to home. I kinda felt that one, seriously, don’t touch it.
Offender: Alright, sorry, man, I didn’t mean anything, I’ll remember.
You keep EYE CONTACT, you maintain decorum, and you slowly reach in and remove the statement from the communal pot. However, in a healthy, solid group of male friends, there will be hardly any instance of this happening. Because they all know that it’s a game, and that if there was real shit going down, they’d cut the crap and they’d be there for each other in a pinch.
Just because everything can be joked about doesn’t mean that we don’t take friendship seriously.
And that’s exactly why this can’t be shared with women; they bond differently. Women tend to judge a lot of people based on what they say. Men tend to judge on actions, on mannerisms, on the “ego to respect for others” ratio shown.
Er… at least, that’s how they judge other men. Heh. We appraise women a bit differently, don’t we?
