There are many kinds of movies; we all know this. As time has gone by, we’ve also realized how much wider our horizons can stretch. Now there are crazy things out there, like a story of a man who ages backwards, a movie about a group of people who form Project Mayhem, or a period piece in which two Victorian magicians duke it out.
But they will consume you.
I’m not gonna be a distressed mother banning San Andreas and saying bad movies make bad people. Far from it! Ilove most of the movies I see that are disturbing.
That came out phrased differently in my head.
Anyway, I was walking to the library from the bus stop when a man stopped me and asked if I would like a free sample. He was wearing an apron that had the logo of his café on it, and he gestured proudly at the little cups of fruity beverage samples on his cart. I reached for a cup when a little tingle in the back of my mind went off, like a spider-sense.
Suddenly in my face I see ELLEN PAGE going “Don’t drink anything you haven’t mixed yourself.”
So I said “No, thank you.”
It’s getting ridiculous. When I see pencils, I see the Joker making them disappear. When I see burgers, I think about how they’re the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.
Movies will consume you.
And I don’t even watch that many. I’m one of those people who watch a movie once and instantly memorize the damn thing. I don’t have a perfect memory or anything, I just instantly memorize anything I watch. It’s ridiculous. Especially for my generation: my generation wasn’t supposed to remember great movies like Angels in the Outfield; we’re supposed to be stuck with movies like Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.
(Okay, I liked that movie too, shut up. The point is still there.)
This ability is a curse though; after watching American Psycho, I have an image of Christian Bale, naked with blood coming out of his mouth, chasing a girl through an apartment building with a chainsaw. Yech. American Psycho is a sick sick movie. I recommend it to everyone. I want everyone to rent it right now at the same time. That way Netflix’s servers will be overrun, Blockbuster will be S.O.L., and people will move on with their lives and I won’t ever have to explain that image again.
